A Plead; My Trepidation

A PLEAD

I have lots of words to say to speak and to write
I want to go out and shout it all to the heavens above
I want to let Him know how hard it is to live without the willingness to survive
without the will to continue another minute of your life.
I want Him to know that I’m having a hard time breathing;
it’s difficult to come in terms with my everyday living.
This is too much to bear in me; inside it’s hurting like a halted bomb,
yet can not be restrained from exploding, for there is a threat of dying once you explode: that you may lose all your loved ones, once you go for the chance of letting go.
That you can’t control what may happen of what tomorrow will be like without you -leaving your family behind. It’s excruciating; inside it’s deeply hurting, It’s something not others can withstand, it’s something only you can experience, only you was given, only you have to deal with.
It may seem unfair but you hope that somebody understands. That someday you’ll find someone who can actually be with you. Someone or some people whom you can truly trust and care at the same time. Who can see through your feelings; the suffering; that genuine pain.
How easy it is to be others, what about me?
Can they be me?
Please?

———————–
MY TREPIDATION

This is the day
I fear the most
When I feel no love
no care, nothing,
nothing at all.
That my brother asked me
to meet my family,
sleep with them, again
since me leaving the nest.
All one in a single roof
Like what we used to, before.
Before when everything was okay
Before when life wasn’t that bad
Before when we were still fine,
Before when my father was still alive.
But now I fear that I doubt my love;
that I doubt myself, If I truly care
Has society eaten too much of me?
Where is that piece of me that was exciting?
That was motivating? Always happy?
Where was that me?
Now, see what I have become,
will I ever find peace?
Will I survive the torment of life?
How will I continue?
From here and now?
How?

The Feeling of Life

That time when you learn
Why friends don’t really care that much,
not because they don’t really care at all
but because they know you’re strong enough to take care of yourself.
That they see, they may actually need you more than you need of them.
Once a psychologist said: the strongest person cries the most.
This is I guess, because every time he is reminded of the slightest memory
of all the sufferings he’d been through
he doesn’t have anymore choice but to cry.
And that would mean you’re a survivor,
a very strong survivor.
Reality sees you as the epitome of irony.
If reality could speak it’d be sarcastic enough to ask why you’re still alive?
And this adds up to your resume as a person.
Another qualification of maturity, another step to future.
Thus, move forward. As they say, it’s the only path to take.
Yes. And but I say choose what path is worth taking for.
Do whatever makes you happy.
Tomorrow is a mystery,
such a very nice and beautiful mystery,
I will never know what you will be capable of doing.
So, cheers to tomorrow!
And pray that it may be so good not to provide you
all that you want in life but just enough.
Just enough.

Blogging

Okay, so I really don’t know how to start this. I mean, hearsay as it is that blogging comes with money nowadays, really? Well, how?

Actually, I’m not into the bucks and greens. I’m here to write something about how I think of how I should live my life. If you disagree, well, can you point me someone who knows how to live life?

Well, that’s what I’ve thought so too. Anyway, eight unproductive years ago I’ve seen this novice blogger linked from a friend’s friendster account and I’ve gone fancy about it since the blogger wrote on things about his life and I, as a natural human being, was envious to try one.

But then again, I was poor. My parents were too, so I never got the luxury to come back home from school and flip-open a laptop nor press an AVR to discover the realms beyond the Internet. I only got to ask for a few pennies and travel downtown then rent a computer from a Net Cafe in order to use one and be frenzied by the Net, the scams, the “You’ve won blah blah blah” and everything under almost anything at all. As it usually goes here on developing countries.

Like friendster (may it rest in peace), I would have wanted a blog that can be customized to your heart’s content. Change the layout, background, color, text colors, add photos and everything else you can experiment in and out and poof you are then happy!

I never had the problem with how to comprehend how the Internet works, you just go ahead and click whatever you can and as long as the monitor didn’t shut out or turned black then I guess I’m doing it all just perfectly fine.

Now, life came in between from then and now, I got busy for a few years and but now, oh no, you’re wrong, I’m not filthy rich, but the thing is at least now, I have the luxury to fulfill my long lost broken dreams of yesterdays (puke): to create my own blog and hope that the world doesn’t end tomorrow so I can see if somebody actually read this or not.

Well, I hope I can meet someone worth having friendship here. That’s why you have blogs, right? Am I doing this right? Please tell if you have violent reactions, comments and no suggestions, I wouldn’t follow it anyway.

😀

Blog it all away!